I’m writing this to my future self. To remind myself every freaking day. Maybe It’s because I’m too young , or because I’ve never been in love. Stupid phone even changes love into live. But is this true? Does love means live?! Well, I guess it’s true. As some people say: we live to Love and love to live. Or maybe they don’t say it. I don’t know. The only thing I know for sure is this. I love being in love. I love everything about this feeling. Love always gives me a huge inspiration. No matter what. When I’m in love with someone, I write poems. When I get heart broken, guess what? I also write poems. So, it’s a win win situation.
But, there’s a little problem. I feel like I will never be able to be with the same person for the rest of my life. Even when I get married I think I’m gonna have a lover. Maybe even two . I just want to enjoy my freedom. Do what I want , be whenever I want and with whoever I want. I guess I love freedom too much to commit. I love freedom way too much to be in a relationship. I’m kinda scared of being with one person for a long time. Although deep inside I want this. I sill sabotaging all of my relationships before they even start.
The worst thing in all this shit, is that I’m gonna fall in love with someone. Fall so deeply that I won’t be able to look at any other guy for the rest of my life. And than I will look at all that I’ve just written and think : what a bullshit I wrote! How could I’ve been so stupid. It’s totally ridiculous.
Maybe yes , maybe no. ( maybe sex , I don’t know) Maybe I’ll never fall in love . Maybe I’m just stupid. Maybe I’m just blind. But it’s gonna be than. Not tonight. Tonight I’m just gonna stare at the moon ( half fool) and dream about something good. Just wanted to write this down until I change my mind.
This moon gives me some weird energy. Makes me realize what I really want. And in a couple of days on Friday the 13th will be a fool moon. And I’m gonna do something. Something crazy and stupid. I want to kiss him really bad. I’m not sure if I want to be with him, but I want him. And if he doesn’t feel the same way I’m just gonna deal with it. Like I always do. We’re just gonna stay friends. Or, fuck it. I’m not sure if I wanna be friends with him. Gosh! Life is tough . I can’t even figure out my own damn feelings .
Kaboom!💡 I know what to do. I’m gonna find some rich and handsome dude and make him marry me. I won’t be in love, but at least I’ll be happy. I will be able to do whatever I want.
But, what the hell?! I can have anyone I want. I’m smart and beautiful and hot .I just have to make this step. I’m gonna do this. Bloody moon! I’m gonna do this. I’m ready! Buckle up, peeps. I’m gonna do this!👍😜